Sometimes, I just really want to figure it all out.  To understand Paul and his theology, to understand Jesus as he really was and as the gospels present him.  Sometimes I want to figure out the historical genealogy of modern theology and of the views and theological language the flutter about in the swirl of our evangelical world.

Its a great feeling when those moments come,when the insight flashes.  There is a conversation, a million thoughts out there in the world of ideas, but I have a few thoughts that organize all the others...

But--and this is always such a challenge for me to remember!--I am not called to be a theologian!  Even if I am, I am  not!  I am called to walk with God, to love him, to worship him, to rest in him, to receive from him, both blessing to be enjoyed, as well as tasks to be performed.  "Walk before me and be blameless" (Gen 17:1), not, 'Walk before the community of thinkers and be successful or insightful."  Its hard to do theology as a living, because my walk with God is a condition for my work!

I can turn my attention and affections (away from God) toward learning and knowledge and understanding for happiness!  But no!

Lord, give me a chest and a heart big enough to support the brain I want to have.  There is a joy and excitement in insight, but give me the heart to love you. Lord, if you will be something I talk about for the next...bunch of years, I must have a lot of love for you.  i don't want to write of you without loving you.

Academia only cares about my brain.  But if I am a Christian first, then you care for my heart too.  Lord, may my scholarship be part of my worship, of my love, of our fellowship.